Archives for October 2005

I
love it when God chooses to enter into my little mommy “have I even
brushed my teeth today?” world and let me know beyond a shadow of a
doubt that it is HE who is speaking to me.

At church we are studying Better Together, What on Earth are WE Here For?…The Forty Days of Community
by Rick Warren.  I have to admit when I first learned of our
church's commitment to this study/devotional I was less than
thrilled.  I am already involved in a ladies bible study on
Wednesday mornings and can barely get that work done each week. 
But since my husband was leading the group we attend I decided to put
on my submissive wife hat and begin reading the book.  Wow! 
What a book!

My Wednesday morning Bible study group I mentioned is studying the book of John and it's an awesome study.

At the same time my love for Christian fiction has me reading When Heaven Weeps by Ted Dekker. 
So there you have it. 
1,2, and 3!!

Since God seems to confirm things in threes to me I wasn't surprised,
just overjoyed when I found God speaking to me about what love really
looks like.

I knew He was beginning to lead me into new
territory as I found myself overwhelmed by the passion in which the
main character of When Heaven Weeps
loves the woman God has chosen for him.  It's just a shadow of His
love for us but it was so overwhelmingly passionate, full of grace and
lacking any condemnation or judgement.  I found myself trying to
wrap the arms of my mind around the concept of such a love.

God further confirmed in me His desire to teach me something new
through my study in the book of John.  In Chapter 1 verses 35-51 I
found myself drawn to the story of Jesus' first disciples.  After
John the Baptist points John and Andrew to Jesus they immediately
follow.  What's the first thing Andrew does after finding
Jesus?  He finds his brother Simon and tells him. After Phillip is
called he immediately finds Nathanael to tell him about Jesus. 
The first two disciples has now grown to five disciples.  John,
Andrew, Simon, Phillip and Natanael.  All because of LOVE.

Do I run to tell the people I love about Jesus?  “Look what I've found…..the lamb, the Lord, my Jesus!”

As all this is happening within the same few day I begin reading Forty
Days of Community.  One of the first devotion says “The essence of
love is not what we think or do or provide for others, BUT how much we
give of ourselves.”  “Be full
of love for others, following the example of Christ who loved you and
gave himself to God as a sacrifice to take away your sins.” (Ephesians
5:2 LB)  It goes on to say:

• “A heart transformed by God is a heart that loves.”

• “Love is patient.  Impatience is not love.”

• “Being
  patient demands a cost; we have to set aside our agenda and yield our
  rights in order to 'welcome each other with open arms.'” 

• “Love is patient.  That means it puts up with a lot for a long time.“

Do I love this way? 
When one of my children has asked me something for the millionth time am I patient?
Do I realize that God loves me with a love that is so incredibly passionate?  Passionate enough to die for?

I sadly bow my head and answer, “No”. 

But then I feel it rise as my Jesus puts his finger underneath my chin,
raises my eyes to his and looks at me with a burning passionate
neverending love.  And I smile, knowing it's not about me but it's
all about Jesus.  He is the One who can allow me to love the way
He loves me. 

“Thank
you Lord for a love that burns so fiercely.  Brand that love into
my own heart so that I may love others with a love that feels
passionate, unhuman and different from anything they've ever felt
before.”

My great Aunt Blanche died this week.  She was 94 years old.  I think about all the things she must have experienced in her life.  She was born in the year 1911….that was a long time ago.  How the world must have changed since she was a young girl.  I know Aunt Blanche suffered alot in her life.  Her husband and her son both committed suicide.  I have never experienced someone close to me commiting suicide so I can only imagine how difficult the experience is.  I can imagine all the unanswered questions, all the “What if's”, all the looking back thinking “Should I have seen it coming?”.  How does one get to the place of peace when something so tragic happens?

After completing my Bible Study last week I felt led to write Aunt Blanche a letter telling her about my faith in Jesus.  It was a simple letter telling her I was praying for her and I loved her and that Jesus was waiting for her if she would only trust in Him.  I've known several people who have died with such a peace, knowing that were soon to meet their Savior.  I've also known others who seem scared or unsure at death.  I don't think I can judge or decide these people's spiritual condition.  But I could not help but wonder if Aunt Blanche knew Jesus.

My letter, however, did not arrive in time.  She died Monday morning before anyone could read the letter to her.  For my husband and I this is the second letter written to someone we knew was dying that didn't reach them before death.  This has made us ponder God's purpose in us writing the letters.

Was is about our obedience to His leading?  Were the letters to be used in someone else's life?  Or did we just not do enough?…..the “too little too late” idea.  I know in my head that I am not responsible for another person's salvation but I also know I will one day be held accountable for my actions as a Christian.  Did I miss His prompting somehow?  I guess I have wondered if her salvation was on my shoulders?  Isn't that silly?  It even sounds untrue typing it. 

Whatever God's purpose for those letters I trust He will show me what He desires for me.  He knows my heart desires to be obedient.  He knows I want to please Him.  A friend of mine told me today that if I was obedient to what God called me to do then that is all I am responsible for.  Again, it's a head knowledge that has not yet pilfered down into my heart. 

I pray my dear Aunt Blanche did indeed know and trust in Jesus.  I hope she's standing right beside him when I get to heaven.

In Christ,

Julie