Today is one of the days I needed grace like rain.
It was a hard day. In fact, it was a hard week. As I continue to struggle with my struggling learner I question all that is right and normal. I watch my family struggle with the one God has given us to love, teach and raise. I’m searching for answers because I have none. I asked God if I could have this child healed for my birthday. ” Can you do that for me God? I promise I will never ask for another thing.”
Don’t you love the bargaining stage? It’s when I know something needs to shift. Whether it be my focus or my routine or my faith or……
Something must change. These are the days I realize remember the definition of insanity as it was once told to me….”It’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
“Lord, am I insane?”
It is during times like these I question myself as the devil begins to throw his darts at me. I think someone else certainly could do a better job of this than me. Anyone. Even the cat.
But I cling to the hope of the next moment, the next day, the next life where there will be no more tears or struggles.
The chocolate? I hide it in the closet so I can eat it alone. Something just for me. One little slice of life that is predictable. I eat and I gain a few ounces. Predictable. I think I like that word right now. It’s a comfortable word.
Trusting Him…
Nothing to add. Remain strong … very beautiful post.
Predictable is nice…when you have it. Which I don’t. But still, I want it. Hang in there, sweetie!
I wonder if I am insane sometimes too. When my grumpy baby cannot settle I and my independent 5 year old thinks he has become an adult, I think I am losing my mind. In those moments, God is the only one who seems to really understand. No one else seems to really get it. He is the only one who has a well deep enough to draw living water.
I had one friend tell me that I needed to get a backbone. My sister says I am just whining. My mom says that I am not doing as bad as I think. My husband just flips out when the children get on his nerves so I am the one trying to keep everyone sane and I am clinging by a thread to my own sanity. Perhaps, I should not try so hard on my own strength to keep my sanity. I wish I were better at using God’s strength. How can I rejoice when i feel hopeless?