Are you there God, it’s me, Julie.

I know we all feel those times of desert-traveling.  When life feels like you are walking upstream, the water deep, the current stronger then weak legs can bear.  And we think as we struggle, “How did I get here?  Where did I make a wrong turn?”

It’s the striving that I feel is sin in my own life.  My life verse is Isaiah 30:15. “In repentance and rest is your salvation. In quietness and trust is your strength.” has absolutely NOTHING to do with striving.

Aren’t I taking over for God when I strive, when I struggle to figure a way out instead of resting and waiting for HIS deliverance?  How many miracles do I miss through striving?  What wisdom passes me by as my mind is turned away from Jesus and on myself?

During our move my peace has been a daily peace.  But right now I feel as if I am the proverbial broken vessel with no Jesus shining through.  I feel meanness and ugliness, my sin for all to see splashed like wine on a white carpet.  Noticeable.  Stained.  Ugly.

I try to tell myself that it’s in these moments that God shows up at His best. He breaks through the darkness and burst into my life with his unimaginable love and power.  I hope and I pray He’s setting me up for a miracle.  I need a miracle.  I want to see Him know me so well He shows up in the places my heart needs him the most.

Are you there God?

Do you see how my heart longs after you, after heaven, after life without this flesh?

Oh! for the day when all is as it should be.  Won’t we rejoice with millions upon millions who will indeed kneel and cry, “Holy, Holy, Holy!”.

I’m empty.  There’s very little mommy left.  Very little “house manager”.  Very little wife.  There’s not much there so I call on the only One who can fill me and still the holes remain.  What am I missing?

Rest, child.  Don’t strive.  Trust.  Quit trying to figure it out.

Wait on the Lord.

See that He is good.

Oh Father.  I need to see you.  It is my heart’s cry to you.  Hear my cry, oh Lord.  Come and rescue your child.