Faith — raisingthreeknightsandaprincess.com

Loving the Unloveable

There are days when my husband is traveling and I’m running the house with four kids. The clouds loom overhead mocking my mood. Rain drizzles down day after day as I struggle to pull myself up by my bootstraps and put a smile on my face. Carpooling, football, homework, blogging, social media, consulting.

I get snappy with my children, barking orders, fussing about dirty dishes left in the sink. The laundry piles up. I threaten to never wash them again.

Days like these I grip onto Grace with both hands. He turns my eyes inward as I struggle with wanting to blame my mood on my kiddos. I wonder how God can look down on my mess and smile when I have a hard time applying grace to the ones who came straight from my own womb. When my kids attitudes mimic my own I marvel at Grace.

Webster defines Grace as:

a : unmerited (merit: the quality of being good, important, or useful : value or worth) divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification
b : a virtue coming from God
c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace

So if we take a hard look at Grace it is love coming from God that has nothing to do with being good or important or useful. We can’t earn it. We don’t get it when we act nice or pick up our clothes or put the dishes in the dishwasher.

Why does accomplishing our “to do” list make us feel so good. We have accomplished what we set out to accomplish and that makes us feel good. The day was good. Those days I don’t struggle with Grace. It’s the days when the house is a mess and I’m a mess and life feels overwhelming…….

those are the days when I marvel at Grace.

I want to give that same God-given Grace to my children…..when I feel they are being lazy or careless. When rooms are a mess and beds are unmade. When I want to shout I need to hug. Sometimes I need to walk away and let them feel the consequences of their choices and other times I need to bend down beside them and help pick up dirty socks.

Do you struggle with Grace?

Or like Elizabeth can you apply this theory…..”When I receive the rhythms and responsibilities as God-authored, I’m surprised by gratitude, even in the midst of real need.” The needs in my house are so great! How can one mom keep up? But somehow God gives me exactly what I need each day, with lots of reminders to be thankful in the midst of those (often pressing) responsibilities. I’m learning to let the rhythm of each day flow as it’s supposed to-hard for me to do, but it makes life so much sweeter.”

*Elizabeth blogs at Finding Him Bigger

From Homeschooling to School (The Realm of the Unknown)

Just recently my good friend IRL (in real life), The Scooper, dished on her family’s transition from homeschooling to school in her most recent post:

School Decisions: Finding Your Family’s Path & Walking in Freedom

I’ve walked beside her as she took the brave and scary step to enter this realm of the unknown. As homeschool moms there is so much encouragement in our decision to homeschool. Although there are adversities if you have “your people” you have lots of support. Scooper admits she has ONE friend who has gone before her on this journey. ONE.

I can say I have Two. Two, including Scooper, who have walked this path just one year before me. I am so thankful for their support in our family’s decision. Their encouraging words have been a life line to me at times. Scooper says it well: “Even though homeschoolers are still greatly in the minority, there is a lot of online support and often much personal, community support for making the switch. It’s a countercultural decision and as I’ve said before, you need your people. I know I did. I’m thankful that such support exists; I know it hasn’t always been the case.”

The switch is difficult. I, like Scooper, yearn to base my decisions on what God wants for my children. I am a Christian. I’m a Believer. And in my heart of hearts I long for heaven. When my kids were little my life required a lot of physical work. As they have grown into 14, almost 13, 11 and 8 I find I now spend more time and energy on emotional things. I no longer change diapers, rope them in for nap time or feed them with those sweet baby spoons.

Now I spend my energy tightly curling back fingers that I have woven into their lives, allowing them to grow into the person God wants them to be. For me, this means learning to let them fail within the safe confines of our home so when they leave they do so as strong, God-loving adults.

I know many moms struggle with some of the same voices I do. We often feel entirely responsible for our children, their grades, their dress, their friends, their attitudes. But I’m learning, ever so slowly, to remove myself from their lives in healthy ways as to allow them growth and maturity.

And again I find God leading me through these unchartered waters. From Scooper: Allow me to share what I’m discovering:

Sometimes God leads us through His word. This was one of the ways he confirmed, for us, the decision to homeschool nearly six years ago.
Sometimes God leads us through prayer and meditation as we seek answers.
Sometimes God leads us as the Holy Spirit moves and leads in powerful and unmistakable ways.
Other times it is a still, small voice. Sometimes God leads through wise counsel.
Sometimes God leads through the guidance of our spouse.
And sometimes God leads through circumstances and common sense.

For me it’s been the prayers and love of good friends, words from my husband, circumstances and God slowly opening my eyes to see that he has something better for my family than “the stuck place” I’ve felt we were in. The merry-go-round of life. The beating my head against the same wall and expecting different results.

I tend to glorify our years of homeschooling when I think back. Yes, they were precious and they were sweet as we intertwined our lives with the sweet families God placed around us as “our people”. There were park days and field trips and snuggle days with Barney, Blues Clues and lunches filled with jelly beans and PB&J. There were also times I wanted to bang my head against the wall and scream, “I’m only one person!” With four children depending upon me I took it upon myself to be their all and all. Dare I stop her to ask myself, “In what way was I serving myself and not my kids?” How does that get all messed up inside? When did I depart from God first; me, my husband and my marriage second; and my children third? When did they become the rulers of my universe? Why did I let them?

I’ve never been one to say I need to be needed. But as I dig deep within myself I wonder……”Did I need to be needed without even realizing it or did I accept the role of caretaker of the universe because I felt it my duty?” Or maybe it just made me feel important. (ouch!)

The transition from homeschooling to school has been so difficult for me. However difficult I’m beginning to learn to walk in the FREEDOM God has set before me. I’m taking baby steps. It’s hard. Sometimes I cry all the way home from dropping the kids off at school and walk into a quiet house and wonder what to do with myself.

The Lord cautions me away from busyness. He calls me into quiet. There are days I feel I’ve accomplished nothing and days I feel successful. And I wonder about the labels we place on things. What is success? I think back on Scooper’s words: “Trust that God has the right training ground for your kid and it may not be the one you’d planned. Your hope is not in a formula; it’s in a Person. Though we lead and guide our children, we too are led and guided by our own Shepherd.”

I’m holding tightly to my Shepherd’s hand as I continue down the path into the realm of the unknown.

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Posted: January 17, 2013 by Julie |Category: Homeschooling | Parenting | Tags: Faith, family, homeschooling, homeschooling to school, school

Who wouldn’t believe?

Today I was taking my second born to school and I watched the sun rising over our section of Jacksonville, Florida.

The Christian radio was playing some song I can’t even remember now and tears filled my eyes. I thought to myself….”Why is it so hard to believe that He is real, alive and wants to love us?”

All the other philosophies just don’t make any sense when compared to an awesome creator, a loving Father, and someone who wants nothing more than to have a relationship with you. It’s not a religion. It’s a relationship….no special Sunday clothes, no “I have to be good enough”. Why can’t we let go and let Him have the chance to change us?? What is it about the human nature that wants to be in control of everything in life instead of trusting in a higher, loving Father?

I guess because I have let go and given my life to Him I know how sweet surrender can be. I know that today is all I have. Tomorrow has it’s own worries. Most of all I know that I know that I know He has my very best interests at heart. I don’t have to figure things out or worry about tomorrow. I can trust Him in the good and in the bad. I can cry out to him when I’m lonely and in pain. I can praise Him that my lot in life is just that….it’s mine. He never gives me more than I can bear even though there are days I feel that way. I can tell myself, “Remember Julie, He loves you.”

Who wouldn’t believe? Why wouldn’t someone choose that relationship above all others?