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Two Weeks and Counting

Here we are in May and live has been a whirlwind the last two weeks.

Recitals, plays, talent shows, concerts, field trips……I almost feel like a homeschooler again.

One thing I wasn’t quite ready for is the emotions that surfaced when photographing this fine fellow:

Graduating from his present school and into high school is a big deal here. His present school is preschool thru 8th grade. So he is a senior to so many who are younger than him. There were tears shed by other middle schoolers as the band performed for the last time Tuesday night.

Next year we enter a whole new era.

Highschool.

I’d love to say something witty here but all I’ve got is “They grow up way to fast!”

We are proud of you buddy!!!

The Last Nine Weeks

Today began the last nine weeks of school for three of my kiddos. Having them home for Spring Break was great. It made me miss homeschooling. It made me love school. I have two starting high school next year. Someone pinch me.

High school? And one will be driving soon….

Gulp!

Live is continuing to move at a rapid pace. My baby girl will be in 4th grade next year. My baby boy in 7th grade.

My photography business continues to grow. I love it. It’s been life changing!

Where did the little kids go? I blinked and they were teenagers. Men. Muscles. Hair.

Excuse me while I shake my head in disbelief.

I was eating with my husband the other day and almost stole a 2 year old (not really, but I did want to bring him home for a while.)

So life is changing and I feel like my blog will be too. We will see…….

In the meantime go check out my fabulous and dearest friend Marian who just reworked her blog! It’s amazing! Check her out at her new home!

1 Comment

Posted: March 25, 2014 by Julie |Category: Our Family, Our Lives | Tags: homeschooling, school, teenagers

…the cat’s tail

I was fine today.

Until…

I read Scooper’s post – Living Free Through Our Unfixable Days

Until…

I found my mom’s obituary in a pile of photographs from NC. Her face smiling up at me from a piece of newspaper torn from it’s page. The ache to reach through the veil and touch her hand is all consuming in my deepest grieving. Knowing I could touch her and see her while in the hospital brought a morbid and twisted, yet sweet sort of comfort. Until her last breath……when I realized our bodies, no matter what we think of them, are just shells.

Shells on a beach without life inside.

Empty. Used up. Done.

And the concept of eternity hits home. Our lives are just a blink.

Nothing in this world matters except the lives we touch. The people we help. The paths we cross.

And the pain spills from deep within me.

It’s a gut-wrenching, unfixable pain.

There is no way around it. I have to walk smack-dab through it, trusting that on the other side is something besides a balled-up broken woman reduced to a child crying, “I want my mommy.”

The grief is more like a wail only explained and expressed in God’s written Word.

The wailing wall.

I’m there.

Hope.

It’s there too. Somewhere. Calling. Waiting. Soothing like a mother’s touch.

I ponder God’s choice to willingly give us Christ.

I wonder how Christ willingly agreed.

The pain and the ache fill every corner of my body. It’s felt in my bones, muscles and heart.

It’s expressed in solitude when only God watches.

It can not be controlled. It will not be brushed away.

For this path, I’ve been asked to walk it. Knowing He only gives us what we can handle.

He must think a lot of me.

And the cry is, “God, my God…..why? I wasn’t ready. I needed more time.”

The flood pouring from my soul inexplicable. All of it boiling down to TRUST:

Day 15 on Facebook:

Grief is indeed a strange animal. It’s back. It’s like my cat’s tail. Sometimes it’s calm and other times it whips violently. In these times gratefulness is something I cling to with my fingernails. My memories of mom are sweet but they have a bite at the moment. I miss her so much.

Tenderness – mom was tender. She was loving. Her touch was tender and filled with love. I’m learning that nothing can replace that touch. I am a better person because of it. I also know that I would have never been ready to lose my mom. Never.

And I have to trust Gods perfect timing and pray for the work he is doing because of her death. I trust.

So I cry out to God and He comforts and loves me. And the sun shines in the next hour.

For He is good.

2 Comments

Posted: February 24, 2014 by Julie |Category: God Breathed | Our Family, Our Lives | Tags: death, grief, hope, sorrow, trust

What a difference a month can make!

On January 4th of 2014, just about a month ago, we celebrated as the first grandchild in the family got married. Nana and Grandbo (above) were hamming it up for my camera as I shot candids at the rehearsal the night before. We spent Christmas at home in Florida and then packed up to spend almost a week in Burlington, NC with my family. My mom and sister worked tirelessly as they prepared for the wedding.

Two weeks later I got a phone call that mom was in the ER. She was sick and her tummy hurt badly.

The next day they performed emergency surgery to see why her white blood cell count was so high.

She never woke up.

My mom passed from this world into Eternity with our Lord on January 27, 2014.

One month and I no longer have my sweet mom here to talk to, call on the way to pick up my kids, or to whine to when mommy-hood gets the best of me.

The first week was spent with my family doing all the things one does in preparation for a funeral.

The second week I flew home to Florida.

What I did not know is that I was flying home to a black hole. One that called to me from a place I’d never been – a place of deep, bottomless grief.

Losing my mom has been the hardest thing God has asked me to walk through thus far in my life.

My reflections on her have become different in the light of God’s goodness and love. What I once thought of as weakness is now strength. Silently she walked out Jesus before me. Often I did not see. She loved without words. She loved by serving and doing and being the best mom ever.

How did I ever miss that?

But I did. Sometimes it was just what moms do. Other times it was what I had gotten accustomed to and took for granted. I never want to take kindness for granted again.

I’ve decided to chronicle parts of her life in a small celebration on Facebook. It’s allowed me to think and write just a little at a time. I’ve not had the brain power for a full blog post. I still don’t. So here is a few FB posts for those of you who haven’t read them:

Monday marks the two week mark of mom going to live with Jesus. So I thought I would try to write something great about her for the next two weeks. Please join me in praising our moms! My Mom was the kindest woman I have ever known. She always put others first.
Day 2 -Today marks two weeks since mom died. Today I remember selflessness. Mom always took the time to play board games with my kids. Whether we were at the beach or visiting Burlington you’d find her taking the time to soak up her grandchildren. Mom, thank you for loving them!
Day 3 – I’ve thought about what to write about mom a lot today. No particular word has come to mind except the overwhelming feeling of LOVE she imparted in my life.Mom loved. She loved gently, silently at times. But always with the peacefulness and quietness of Christ. She was a behind the scenes kind of worker. This is seen in her dedication to the church’s Altar Guild. She got things ready for Sunday morning, only a few knew she did it. She went to the grocery store every Friday. She cooked for our birthdays. She sent cards. She bought me a Holly Hobbie doll figurine on my adopted birthday just because I wanted one. I miss you mom. You made my life better

Day 4 – I have missed mom a lot today. The weather is cold and the kids are home sick and I have wanted to pick up the phone and call her because it’s snowing in Burlington. There was a word on my heart this morning, but try as I may I can’t get it to come to mind again.
So today, I choose funny. My mom had the same quirky sense of humor that my grandmother (her mom) had. I remember at the beach this year that she put on a funny hat and walked into my sister’s room acting like a rapper. OMG did she make us laugh. I have the picture on my phone and everytime mom would call that photo would pop up and I would smile just remembering how funny she was.
It was just like her to stick out her tongue and for dad to be looking away as I tried to capture a “sweet” shot of her at my niece’s wedding. But no, out came the tongue and dad looked away. OUTTAKE! (photo above)
I miss your laugh mom. I miss your silliness and your smile. Danielle just said “I miss Nana greeting us at the door no matter what time we got to Burlington.” Thank you again for being such a special mom, grandmother and friend. We still really miss you Nana!!!
Day 5 or my Two Weeks of remembering my mom with thankfulness in my heart. No one can say it better than Kid President today. So go ahead, take a few minutes to laugh, cry and hug your mom! Loving you today mom.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQ4Rnba85o8

Hug your mom today. Or call her. Or give her a kiss. I was blessed with two moms. One who gave me life and another who raised me. Now I am without both. I know there is a party going on in heaven, but one earth, this child’s heart breaks.

2 Comments

Posted: February 13, 2014 by Julie |Category: God Breathed | Our Family, Our Lives | Tags: death, losing mom, losing mother

“Heaviness is not of My Kingdom”

“Heaviness is not of My kingdom.”

by Young, Sarah (2004-10-12). Jesus Calling: Seeking Peace in His Presence (p. 9). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

I read these words today and thought about how much heaviness I allow in my life. Raising children is hard, teenagers even harder, releasing them into the world, trusting in the One who has given them to you for a time. Even harder.

Life has been on superdrive for our family lately. Activities and holiday trips, weddings, travel – it has all added up to be busy. Good busy but busy nonetheless. It’s been wonderful to see family and to celebrate a wedding in our midst. I was honored and privileged to shoot my niece’s wedding. It was an exciting day for me, as a photographer, and for her, as a new bride. She was beautiful. Light-hearted, in love, and kingdom-minded.

Jesse, the pastor who married them, has known my new nephew-in-law for many years. It was an honor to watch him tear up as they read the vows they had written to one another. I clicked away through tears, capturing moments that will last forever!

Heaviness.

When does it enter our lives? I believe it’s when I allow all that I’m dealing with to fall upon my shoulders and not the Lord’s. I take up my mighty sack of stressors, problems and “big deals” and I tote them around wondering what to do about them all. I pull one out every now and then and show it to someone. We discuss it. God shines. Yes, I seek God’s wisdom in most of the issues, but do I lay them down at his feet and turn around and walk away, trusting Him to guide my mind, my path, my child?

Heaviness.

Weight.

Unhealthiness.

Depression.

Each of these words come to mind as I dwell on the word Heaviness..

“Heaviness is not of my kingdom.”

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ROMANS 15:13

Somehow overflow and heaviness don’t fit together well.

I wish to choose the overflow, not the heaviness. Will you join me?

Lightheartedness

2 Comments

Posted: January 9, 2014 by Julie |Category: God Breathed | Our Family, Our Lives | Parenting | Tags: Follower of Christ, God Seeker, Heaviness, Jesus Calling, Kingdom Minded, Life in Christ, raising teenagers, Sarah Young

Falling and Failing

Our kids…

Why is it so hard to love and let them fail? The example God has set before us is so hard to follow.

Why do we feel the need to keep them from scraping their knees, getting hurt, or failing? Aren’t life’s REAL consequences better teachers than any lectures from us?

And repeat a grade? By all means, “NO”!

It is so hard when they won’t take the “wisdom” in the advice we have to offer. It’s about the whole child, right? Not just the grades…

I tell myself that and also wonder how to make him/her see the importance of grades in getting them closer to his goals.

What do you tell her to make her understand that who she is in Christ is more important than the cheer squad? And why didn’t someone tell me hormones and teenagers is worse than the zombie apocalypse?

Breathe. Just breathe. In and out. Light, not darkness.

Raising kids is hard, teenagers harder. Knowing when to let go? The toughest thing ever.

It’s enough to make you squeeze blood from your tear ducts. And that is the honest truth.

Breathe.

Just Breathe.

1 Comment

Posted: December 12, 2013 by Julie |Category: Parenting | Tags: parenting, raising teenagers, teenagers

Therapy Tuesday – San Marco, Florida

Today after dropping the kids off at school I needed to find something to do with myself for an hour or so before an appointment so I grabbed my camera as we headed out the door for school thinking I would go and explore San Marco a bit. I have shot there a few times for clients but wanted to explore a little more.

I had no idea I was walking into a rest and a peace God had waiting for me. There was something so serene about shooting for my own pleasure. I think as photographers we sometimes forget how important that is. I know I do. We strive for the perfect shot, great composition and something that will please others. But today it was all about me.

So here’s a trip to San Marco, Florida for you non-Floridians…

I love this house. It has quite the story behind it as told to me by a neighbor today. But seeing how I don’t know if it’s true, nor do I know who lives there, let’s leave it at VERY IN-TER-ES-TING!!! (insert Sesame Street Vampire voice)

Here is a close up.

Hmmmmm. The texture! I especially love the entryway. This is one of the few houses that has fallen into disrepair. Good bones though. Good bones. And from the front stoop you have this view-

Driving a few blocks down the street brought me to this beauty- (I love shooting here).

There is a well in the middle of the park across the street from this house with the most scrumptious brick sidewalk. I’m still trying to decide if this is one last name or an initial and a last name –

Around the well I found a lone flower with it’s face raised towards Heaven. Me and that flower, we were on the same page today!!

I drover further down the block, turned a corner and found this beauty. I’m definitely knocking on this door for my next photo session. I wanted to park the car and swing for a bit, but I settled on snapping a couple of shots instead.

I love everything about this house, especially the shutters. LOVE!!!

San Marco is a wonderful place to dream –

And in doing so I discovered another well…..

Here is that same well from across the street –

I watched squirrels play and chase one another over acorns which are still green here! EVERYTHING is green in Florida. Can you find the squirrel?

I stopped for a bit of history…

And I found this sweet “fortress” for sale for a cool five million boasting 12,000 sq ft and 8 full baths!

Next was this sweet one car bridge over the canal. I could just imagine the clomping of horses hooves as I walked across it…

This was my view from the bridge and between the concrete pillars. While down on the ground trying to remain inconspicuous I found a bit of spanish moss beginning to grow. It’s everywhere here, especially near the water.

Oh the colors!!!

I ended up here:

Which was really the oddest little spot. One circle around this giant acorn (ICE AGE) and three parking spaces in a semi-cul-de-sac! Yet, it is called Celebration Park. Not quite a park.

However, this made me giggle. I wish I had gotten the entire shark fin on top. It was really cute and situated right by the river.

This was the sewer cover near the “park”. Quite historical looking I thought.

As I looked out over the water I wondered what this woman was reading and what life is like living on the river. A client told me that manatees often migrate through here. I want to pet a manatee. There is a serenity about San Marco because you can see the hustle and bustle of the city that is right across the bridge yet San Marco itself is remarkably quiet and quaint.

I loved all the textures and sounds. I watched the mailman walking door to door delivering mail like we once had when we lived in Hopkinsville, KY. I remember how I loved hearing the slot open and the mail drop onto the hardwood floors of our house. I stood by one of the wells as grandparents left from visiting grandkids and listened as the recycle truck drove through dumping rectangular blue bins of paper and plastic. I saw a man sitting on a bench. I wanted to take his photo (like HONY – Facebook: Humans of New York: just a side note, if you do not follow them on Facebook it’s a FB must! I think he’s my hero. If you find his story and how HONY began it’s a good ‘un), but I digress. I chickened out. Several men were fishing. The lady walking her dog told me about the first house you saw and it’s strange criminal history that made me want to knock on the door. Maybe I will one of these days.

I got to experience life today just a little removed from it, as if I had taken one step back. I observed other people’s lives in a remarkable hour of worship, thankfulness and quiet. I had no idea my soul had been so restless until I felt the Hand of God usher me into this rest today. I shot until my battery died. No worries about smiles or closed eyes or blinks. Just me, God and a cool Florida morning with shorts and a sweatshirt.

I was a happy and better person after being here today.

Thanks San Marco! I will visit you again soon!

2 Comments

Posted: November 13, 2013 by Julie |Category: God Breathed | Photography and Tips | Tags: Historic District, Jacksonville, Jacksonville Florida, Jacksonville Life, Julie Worthy Photography, Peace, Photography and Tips, Photography Therapy, rest, San Marco, San Marco Florida

City Champions 2013 – Star Ready Gators 14U!

After one hard fought season The Star Ready Gators are the 2013 City Champions!

Congratulations to my boys and to all the young men and who left it all on the field every game! Coaches, we appreciate you!

Our head coach and defensive coach’s reaction after double OT and winning 19-18!!!

Capturing moments like this are priceless!!!

It’s a night we will long remember. I’ve never seen a team play so tired and so hard. They just kept getting up!

The field was wet, muddy and we truly played in “The Swamp”!

To see some of our young men consoling the other team who played their hearts out, just like we did……PRICELESS!!!

Receiving their metals…

No one deserved this more than Coach Dalany!

Our co-MVPs plus one!!!

He’s a sweetheart but tough on the field! They call him POOBIE!

Joshua had two of his biggest fans come out to support him last night. Here they are with Poobie.

Coach D, the trophy and my boys!

Yep, that’s mud! And there was lots of it!!

Way to go Star Ready 14U Team. I’m so proud!!

2 Comments

Posted: November 3, 2013 by Julie |Category: Football | Tags: City Championship 2013 Jacksonville Fl, City Champs, Football, Jacksonville City Championship, Nothinglikeit, Star Ready Athletic Association, Star Ready Football

Loving the Unloveable

There are days when my husband is traveling and I’m running the house with four kids. The clouds loom overhead mocking my mood. Rain drizzles down day after day as I struggle to pull myself up by my bootstraps and put a smile on my face. Carpooling, football, homework, blogging, social media, consulting.

I get snappy with my children, barking orders, fussing about dirty dishes left in the sink. The laundry piles up. I threaten to never wash them again.

Days like these I grip onto Grace with both hands. He turns my eyes inward as I struggle with wanting to blame my mood on my kiddos. I wonder how God can look down on my mess and smile when I have a hard time applying grace to the ones who came straight from my own womb. When my kids attitudes mimic my own I marvel at Grace.

Webster defines Grace as:

a : unmerited (merit: the quality of being good, important, or useful : value or worth) divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification
b : a virtue coming from God
c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace

So if we take a hard look at Grace it is love coming from God that has nothing to do with being good or important or useful. We can’t earn it. We don’t get it when we act nice or pick up our clothes or put the dishes in the dishwasher.

Why does accomplishing our “to do” list make us feel so good. We have accomplished what we set out to accomplish and that makes us feel good. The day was good. Those days I don’t struggle with Grace. It’s the days when the house is a mess and I’m a mess and life feels overwhelming…….

those are the days when I marvel at Grace.

I want to give that same God-given Grace to my children…..when I feel they are being lazy or careless. When rooms are a mess and beds are unmade. When I want to shout I need to hug. Sometimes I need to walk away and let them feel the consequences of their choices and other times I need to bend down beside them and help pick up dirty socks.

Do you struggle with Grace?

Or like Elizabeth can you apply this theory…..”When I receive the rhythms and responsibilities as God-authored, I’m surprised by gratitude, even in the midst of real need.” The needs in my house are so great! How can one mom keep up? But somehow God gives me exactly what I need each day, with lots of reminders to be thankful in the midst of those (often pressing) responsibilities. I’m learning to let the rhythm of each day flow as it’s supposed to-hard for me to do, but it makes life so much sweeter.”

*Elizabeth blogs at Finding Him Bigger