Parenting — raisingthreeknightsandaprincess.com

Two Weeks and Counting

Here we are in May and live has been a whirlwind the last two weeks.

Recitals, plays, talent shows, concerts, field trips……I almost feel like a homeschooler again.

One thing I wasn’t quite ready for is the emotions that surfaced when photographing this fine fellow:

Graduating from his present school and into high school is a big deal here. His present school is preschool thru 8th grade. So he is a senior to so many who are younger than him. There were tears shed by other middle schoolers as the band performed for the last time Tuesday night.

Next year we enter a whole new era.

Highschool.

I’d love to say something witty here but all I’ve got is “They grow up way to fast!”

We are proud of you buddy!!!

“Heaviness is not of My Kingdom”

“Heaviness is not of My kingdom.”

by Young, Sarah (2004-10-12). Jesus Calling: Seeking Peace in His Presence (p. 9). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

I read these words today and thought about how much heaviness I allow in my life. Raising children is hard, teenagers even harder, releasing them into the world, trusting in the One who has given them to you for a time. Even harder.

Life has been on superdrive for our family lately. Activities and holiday trips, weddings, travel – it has all added up to be busy. Good busy but busy nonetheless. It’s been wonderful to see family and to celebrate a wedding in our midst. I was honored and privileged to shoot my niece’s wedding. It was an exciting day for me, as a photographer, and for her, as a new bride. She was beautiful. Light-hearted, in love, and kingdom-minded.

Jesse, the pastor who married them, has known my new nephew-in-law for many years. It was an honor to watch him tear up as they read the vows they had written to one another. I clicked away through tears, capturing moments that will last forever!

Heaviness.

When does it enter our lives? I believe it’s when I allow all that I’m dealing with to fall upon my shoulders and not the Lord’s. I take up my mighty sack of stressors, problems and “big deals” and I tote them around wondering what to do about them all. I pull one out every now and then and show it to someone. We discuss it. God shines. Yes, I seek God’s wisdom in most of the issues, but do I lay them down at his feet and turn around and walk away, trusting Him to guide my mind, my path, my child?

Heaviness.

Weight.

Unhealthiness.

Depression.

Each of these words come to mind as I dwell on the word Heaviness..

“Heaviness is not of my kingdom.”

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ROMANS 15:13

Somehow overflow and heaviness don’t fit together well.

I wish to choose the overflow, not the heaviness. Will you join me?

Lightheartedness

2 Comments

Posted: January 9, 2014 by Julie |Category: God Breathed | Our Family, Our Lives | Parenting | Tags: Follower of Christ, God Seeker, Heaviness, Jesus Calling, Kingdom Minded, Life in Christ, raising teenagers, Sarah Young

Falling and Failing

Our kids…

Why is it so hard to love and let them fail? The example God has set before us is so hard to follow.

Why do we feel the need to keep them from scraping their knees, getting hurt, or failing? Aren’t life’s REAL consequences better teachers than any lectures from us?

And repeat a grade? By all means, “NO”!

It is so hard when they won’t take the “wisdom” in the advice we have to offer. It’s about the whole child, right? Not just the grades…

I tell myself that and also wonder how to make him/her see the importance of grades in getting them closer to his goals.

What do you tell her to make her understand that who she is in Christ is more important than the cheer squad? And why didn’t someone tell me hormones and teenagers is worse than the zombie apocalypse?

Breathe. Just breathe. In and out. Light, not darkness.

Raising kids is hard, teenagers harder. Knowing when to let go? The toughest thing ever.

It’s enough to make you squeeze blood from your tear ducts. And that is the honest truth.

Breathe.

Just Breathe.

1 Comment

Posted: December 12, 2013 by Julie |Category: Parenting | Tags: parenting, raising teenagers, teenagers

Loving the Unloveable

There are days when my husband is traveling and I’m running the house with four kids. The clouds loom overhead mocking my mood. Rain drizzles down day after day as I struggle to pull myself up by my bootstraps and put a smile on my face. Carpooling, football, homework, blogging, social media, consulting.

I get snappy with my children, barking orders, fussing about dirty dishes left in the sink. The laundry piles up. I threaten to never wash them again.

Days like these I grip onto Grace with both hands. He turns my eyes inward as I struggle with wanting to blame my mood on my kiddos. I wonder how God can look down on my mess and smile when I have a hard time applying grace to the ones who came straight from my own womb. When my kids attitudes mimic my own I marvel at Grace.

Webster defines Grace as:

a : unmerited (merit: the quality of being good, important, or useful : value or worth) divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification
b : a virtue coming from God
c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace

So if we take a hard look at Grace it is love coming from God that has nothing to do with being good or important or useful. We can’t earn it. We don’t get it when we act nice or pick up our clothes or put the dishes in the dishwasher.

Why does accomplishing our “to do” list make us feel so good. We have accomplished what we set out to accomplish and that makes us feel good. The day was good. Those days I don’t struggle with Grace. It’s the days when the house is a mess and I’m a mess and life feels overwhelming…….

those are the days when I marvel at Grace.

I want to give that same God-given Grace to my children…..when I feel they are being lazy or careless. When rooms are a mess and beds are unmade. When I want to shout I need to hug. Sometimes I need to walk away and let them feel the consequences of their choices and other times I need to bend down beside them and help pick up dirty socks.

Do you struggle with Grace?

Or like Elizabeth can you apply this theory…..”When I receive the rhythms and responsibilities as God-authored, I’m surprised by gratitude, even in the midst of real need.” The needs in my house are so great! How can one mom keep up? But somehow God gives me exactly what I need each day, with lots of reminders to be thankful in the midst of those (often pressing) responsibilities. I’m learning to let the rhythm of each day flow as it’s supposed to-hard for me to do, but it makes life so much sweeter.”

*Elizabeth blogs at Finding Him Bigger

LaTasha’s LearningRx Story – Oct. 2nd 2013

Many who follow my blog know what a great impact LearningRx has had on our lives. This evening I read the sweetest story from a mom I met at Jacksonville’s Magnet School Expo.

Here are the words she pinned tonight on LearningRx’s Facebook page:

“No parent wants to admit that there child has a learning disability or may even know that is the main issue. However, I knew that I had to find some help for my son in order for him to be on the right track developmentally. In the beginning my family just assumed that I was not spending enough time teaching him, but I knew that it was more than just me not sitting down with him every night.

Here is where my story beginnings. My older sister asked me to go to the yearly Magnet School Seminar for all the schools in Jacksonville, in which LearningRx was there. I truly believe that it was God who lead me to their booth and faith, that it was something out there that could help my son with the main issue and not just a temporary fix. While I was at the Seminar, I spoke with a parent that was a spokesperson for LearningRx and I was not sure if she would understand my struggle being that my son was held back twice and still was reading on a Kindergarten/1st grade level. However, she has 4 kids that had different issues, so I took some information home but I never called thinking that this was going to be some over priced place that was going to make all these promises but never give me any results.

But finally I went to get him tested and I sat down with Erin the director. I finally understood what the real issue was by her explaining the way the brain works and what the test showed was the problem. I finally found out that my son had an auditory processing disorder and I researched that disorder and it describes my son perfectly.

My son started LearningRx in April 2013. He had a really bad attitude towards anything that had to do with school work, learning to read, sounding out words, he had very low self esteem because he thought that he was not smart. Now, he has done a complete 180, my son is now reading on his own and he has a passion for learning now. Everyday he has shown so much progress in school and out of school.

I am so thankful for God sending me to LearningRx and even though its a temporary sacrifice for right now it will be a long term benefit for my son’s future. If I could give anyone some advice it would be to at least go and see for yourself what Learning RX can do for your child because they have done wonders for mine.”

LaTasha, I so glad my story helped you in your journey to find LearningRx. They have been a blessing in my life as well. Thank you for sharing. I remember meeting Latasha at Magnet Mania. She was a mom determined to find answers for her son. I applaud her sacrifice and courage.

To read more LearningRx reviews and stories from other parents visit: http://www.learningrx-reviews.com/

On School and Other Happenings…

School began for three of my four children last Wednesday. The fourth child started yesterday. As we begin another year of transition we find one child going from private to public school. In the last three years we have:

moved from SC to FLA
gone from homeschooling to some kids in school
gone from that school set up to all kids in school last year
then two sick boys who didn’t get to complete their football season
this year we have one in public, three in private and two playing football

I think I’m tired!

This goes right along with all the changes my husband goes through at work. It’s sometimes difficult to stop and breathe.

Our family motto has changed from “I forgot what it was” to “Happy, Happy, Happy” from Duck Dynasty.

Yep, we’ve hit an all time low.

I’d be proud to say we came up with something on our own but why do that when I can steal from the shows my husband watches.

No, I don’t watch Duck Dynasty. I have to put my foot down somewhere.

In other big news…..my niece is engaged to a wonderful young man. I shoot their wedding in January. Yep, I’m excited!!!

Congratulations Matt and Korey!!!

3 Comments

Posted: August 20, 2013 by Julie |Category: Our Family, Our Lives | Parenting | Tags: engagement, homeschooling, julieworthyphotography, private school, public school, school

Where does summer go?

First, let me get a protest out of the way. Summer homework is for the birds. ‘nuf said!

My protest leads me into the ever-quickening pace of our summers.

As a child they seemed to last indefinitely. I don’t remember summer projects assigned by teachers. I remember making hammocks out of mom’s sheets, lemonade stands, the pool, learning to drive the riding lawn mower and catching fire flies.

There are no fire flies in Jacksonville! There are, however, summer projects along with a host of other wonderful blessing like tons of frogs (which I love catching).

It seems summer barely begins and then we’re in the heat of midsummer. I turn around, maybe twice, and school is upon us again.

When the bible talks about this life being fleeting in the face of eternity it’s truth is never more evident as an adult with children. One moment you hold your newborn and the next you are learning how to let go and allow them to be mini-adults.

It’s sad for this mommy. It’s also rewarding, frustrating, glorious and crazy – all wrapped up in one!

When they were little I kept them safe from climbing steps, falling on the cement and my husband and I kissed boo-boos and passed onto them out love of campfires.

Babysitters helped them make visors that were actually proud to wear! And while my photography skills have increased my babies are growing up……

Taking care of the “bare necessities” of life were quite uncomplicated compared to our new found role as parents to teens, tweens and an almost tween. Hoping they live their lives for God, make good choices, choose their friends wisely, don’t speed, be respectful……and all that jazz!

All of that is much harder than wrapping them in warm jackets and finding their favorite shoes.

Sometimes I wish we could flash freeze moments as to return and look at them with eyes full of wisdom from the future. A multi-dimensional stop in time to appreciate all that was in that moment. The baby voice, the tiny shoes, the cries of protest, the trusting child, the Barney songs, the little hand in ours and even the smelly diapers that are just too quickly gone.

I think we need more summers. Not the break from school summer, but the “let’s go have fun and leave our worries behind” summers. God knew how badly I needed a husband who has a summer outlook on life. He pulls me out of me seriousness and says, “Let’s go have fun.” He tries new food, catapults from airplanes and dares to live life on the edge as I sit with my feet firmly planted on the ground. “For it is safe here young padawan!”

I need more summer. More of an ability to trust the Father and swing high from the branches of His tree. To squeal like a little girl and to run with wild abandon. To rest. To listen. To be quiet.

Homeschooling, although crazy as it got at times, allowed more summer into our lives. With all the children in school there is less summer. As they grow into their responsibilities as young adults days spent riding big wheels in the drive way and picnics in the gazebo come less often. Schedules fill up. Time to “just be” falls away.

I believe my goal for the coming academic year (non summer) is to schedule one day of summer into each month. A day or a night where the whole family does something…..anything just to pause, have fun and enjoy the sunshine, the lemonade and the homemade hammock.

And I have just the man to do it with! Hold me accountable baby!!!

2 Comments

Posted: July 30, 2013 by Julie |Category: Homeschooling | Our Family, Our Lives | Parenting | Tags: fun, God, growing up, julieworthyphotography, rest, summer

On Grumpy Days…

How are you on grumpy days?

They kick my hiney!

These are the days I often secretly beg someone to “make my day” because I know I can tackle anyone who bucks up against me. These are also the days my introverted side wants to hide in a hole until it feels better. (Insert above photo) But my innerlion wages the war, ready for a good fight – with anyone!

While I appear quite normal on the outside you should hear the conversation inside my head…

It’s anything but normal! (Be warned here)….remember the Lion ROARS! So the voices fight with one another….

“Be nice.”

“What do you mean be nice? Did you see what he did?

“That’s not Christian Julie….be kind.”

“Sometimes I want to exit stage left and be ugly for a while?” Everyone close your eyes!

But I also know the ugliness hurts me and others around me.

“People are needy. They ask questions when I want silence.

On my bad, tired, lonely, angry days these are the voices that roar for my attention. While you see the smile the war battles within. And I know I’m not alone.

These voices tell me I’m empty, when I’ve gone past myself. I need a break. My mommy’s vacation is coming soon. Just a few days alone without the words: mom, laundry, folding, litter box, or the dog needs to pee.

Do you pick yourself up by your bootstraps on these days or do you give in to it with a grace that keeps your mouth shut and your heart leaning towards the Father?

Hey, if anyone wants to growl with me I have a dark closet. I won’t bite, but you may be scared. Well, I take that back. I might bite. But we could have separate cages!

Until nice julie comes back……i leave you with …… grrrrrrrrr……

Later I’ll buy you a Starbucks and lemon cake! Like me and my hubbie had the other night. We’ll sit and sip coffee and lick icing……

and we’ll talk about God and how good He is……

and I’ll forget my grumpy self in the light of His love. And won’t you be glad?

3 Comments

Posted: July 26, 2013 by Julie |Category: Our Family, Our Lives | Parenting | Tags: bad days, grumpy, inner voices, julieworthyphotography, real life

Showing up…

Scooper blogged about showing up today because that is sometimes all we can do!

I found her words comforting:

It’s times like this when my blog can feel like a pet, yet another thing that looks to me to be fed and nurtured. But because I care deeply about this space and its value in my life, I resolve to come back, time and again, even when the well seems too deep to prime.

A funny thing happens most every time I click on “new post” and see the blank digital canvas staring back at me. I feel like I’m home. The white space welcomes me to come on in and get comfortable, even if I was reluctant to show up in the first place. Sometimes you just have to show up.

I also stare at my canvas and think, “Do I have anything to say that anyone really wants to hear?” Maybe. Maybe not. If others glean any insights from my blog I’m thankful.

I’m two classes into a class called Love and Logic. It’s changing my life. The principles are simple. Love builds relationship. Logic allows for natural consequences. It’s teaching me how to build up my kids, enjoy them, and allow natural consequences. This involves a lot of tongue biting, allowing them to own their problems and their lives! I’ve discovered I am a recovering helicopter parent; continually hovering. (nice!)

Particularly impacting me this week has been the notion of ignoring my children’s weaknesses and building their strengths. Ah, I don’t think I’ve been doing this!

Adult life doesn’t work that way. We concentrate on our strengths and find people around us to help shore up our weaknesses. We are encouraged to ask ourselves, “What am I good at?”. We take that one thing and we nurture it. We sometimes build a business around it. We make money with it. We contribute with it….very often on just one strength.

How do I emphasize the good? Love and Logic says to concentrate on praising the good and brush over the weakness. So…. Little Johnny brings home his week’s work and your are looking over it, you might say……“A in Math? Great! D in Science? Think that might improve? Ok!” You do this and, get this part, nothing else is said. (Gulp!)

So I keep telling myself:

Reinforce the positive. Ignore the negative. No one is good at everything. Most people are good at just a couple things.

If my son makes a bad grade can’t I lovingly reassure him that there will be other tests? If he habitually doesn’t study do I nag him or reassure him that 5th grade will be there again next year, allowing him to deal with the natural consequences of not studying! Or could I ask him, “What do you think about that?” or “What do you think you are going to do differently?” Toddlers walk at all different ages. But there is this norm for our kids to finish school in 12 years.

Might it be more acceptable that some kids finish school in 10 years and some in 14 years?
Do we care if Little Johnny walked at 9 months and Little David at 14 months?
Can I change my mindset so I am helping my kids develop and celebrate what they are good at by concentrating on those things?

What if we asked “Why did you get this problem right?” instead of “Why did you get that problem wrong?” Love and Logic says that when you ask the first question and it’s a harder question to answer. It makes the child think. So maybe you give him options like…..

You either cheated OR
You tried hard OR
You’re getting better in Math

If he chooses, “I tried hard.” then it’s branded on his subconscious mind. No matter how many times we say, “You do better when you try hard!” it will not stick the way it does when he says it. And if we are looking over graded papers several times a week always asking the same question then he’s repeating that week after week. What does he learn? If I try hard I do well.

If we were to graph our strengths and weaknesses we’d most likely see something that looked like a mountain range. Love and Logic is teaching me that when we focus on what we do well the entire mountain range rises, both strengths and weaknesses. If self-image is the most important variable wouldn’t it make sense that strengths would naturally rise as would weaknesses because we have the confidence we need to try something we aren’t so good at!

So I’m trying to build my children’s self-images by concentrating on their strengths, not weaknesses. Praise the good; ignore the bad, while allowing natural consequences. And I’m doing the same in my own life! I certainly know things I do well and not so well, but when viewing myself as lovingly created by THE CREATOR the weaknesses are ok! That’s where HE shores me up!

(Much of this wisdom accredited to Love and Logic and the CD entitled Winning the Homework Battle by Jim Fay and Foster Cline, M.D.)

1 Comment

Posted: February 6, 2013 by Julie |Category: Parenting | Tags: Love and Logic, parenting

From Homeschooling to School (The Realm of the Unknown)

Just recently my good friend IRL (in real life), The Scooper, dished on her family’s transition from homeschooling to school in her most recent post:

School Decisions: Finding Your Family’s Path & Walking in Freedom

I’ve walked beside her as she took the brave and scary step to enter this realm of the unknown. As homeschool moms there is so much encouragement in our decision to homeschool. Although there are adversities if you have “your people” you have lots of support. Scooper admits she has ONE friend who has gone before her on this journey. ONE.

I can say I have Two. Two, including Scooper, who have walked this path just one year before me. I am so thankful for their support in our family’s decision. Their encouraging words have been a life line to me at times. Scooper says it well: “Even though homeschoolers are still greatly in the minority, there is a lot of online support and often much personal, community support for making the switch. It’s a countercultural decision and as I’ve said before, you need your people. I know I did. I’m thankful that such support exists; I know it hasn’t always been the case.”

The switch is difficult. I, like Scooper, yearn to base my decisions on what God wants for my children. I am a Christian. I’m a Believer. And in my heart of hearts I long for heaven. When my kids were little my life required a lot of physical work. As they have grown into 14, almost 13, 11 and 8 I find I now spend more time and energy on emotional things. I no longer change diapers, rope them in for nap time or feed them with those sweet baby spoons.

Now I spend my energy tightly curling back fingers that I have woven into their lives, allowing them to grow into the person God wants them to be. For me, this means learning to let them fail within the safe confines of our home so when they leave they do so as strong, God-loving adults.

I know many moms struggle with some of the same voices I do. We often feel entirely responsible for our children, their grades, their dress, their friends, their attitudes. But I’m learning, ever so slowly, to remove myself from their lives in healthy ways as to allow them growth and maturity.

And again I find God leading me through these unchartered waters. From Scooper: Allow me to share what I’m discovering:

Sometimes God leads us through His word. This was one of the ways he confirmed, for us, the decision to homeschool nearly six years ago.
Sometimes God leads us through prayer and meditation as we seek answers.
Sometimes God leads us as the Holy Spirit moves and leads in powerful and unmistakable ways.
Other times it is a still, small voice. Sometimes God leads through wise counsel.
Sometimes God leads through the guidance of our spouse.
And sometimes God leads through circumstances and common sense.

For me it’s been the prayers and love of good friends, words from my husband, circumstances and God slowly opening my eyes to see that he has something better for my family than “the stuck place” I’ve felt we were in. The merry-go-round of life. The beating my head against the same wall and expecting different results.

I tend to glorify our years of homeschooling when I think back. Yes, they were precious and they were sweet as we intertwined our lives with the sweet families God placed around us as “our people”. There were park days and field trips and snuggle days with Barney, Blues Clues and lunches filled with jelly beans and PB&J. There were also times I wanted to bang my head against the wall and scream, “I’m only one person!” With four children depending upon me I took it upon myself to be their all and all. Dare I stop her to ask myself, “In what way was I serving myself and not my kids?” How does that get all messed up inside? When did I depart from God first; me, my husband and my marriage second; and my children third? When did they become the rulers of my universe? Why did I let them?

I’ve never been one to say I need to be needed. But as I dig deep within myself I wonder……”Did I need to be needed without even realizing it or did I accept the role of caretaker of the universe because I felt it my duty?” Or maybe it just made me feel important. (ouch!)

The transition from homeschooling to school has been so difficult for me. However difficult I’m beginning to learn to walk in the FREEDOM God has set before me. I’m taking baby steps. It’s hard. Sometimes I cry all the way home from dropping the kids off at school and walk into a quiet house and wonder what to do with myself.

The Lord cautions me away from busyness. He calls me into quiet. There are days I feel I’ve accomplished nothing and days I feel successful. And I wonder about the labels we place on things. What is success? I think back on Scooper’s words: “Trust that God has the right training ground for your kid and it may not be the one you’d planned. Your hope is not in a formula; it’s in a Person. Though we lead and guide our children, we too are led and guided by our own Shepherd.”

I’m holding tightly to my Shepherd’s hand as I continue down the path into the realm of the unknown.

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Posted: January 17, 2013 by Julie |Category: Homeschooling | Parenting | Tags: Faith, family, homeschooling, homeschooling to school, school