God Breathed — Page 3 — raisingthreeknightsandaprincess.com

Exposed

Some of you know of my strange but loving obsession with farm fresh eggs. I love the ones that are multicolored. Each one is unique, yet the same. This morning I was cooking eggs and something struck me about there being three left in the carton. An odd number, three.

A divine number.

So as I cooked I looked over at the cracked eggs and thought how much like the eggs my life is.

It’s all broken, slimy, crooked. Oh, it often looks neat from the outside but when you look inside? Hmmmm…..makes a girl want to run and hide. Or does it? Maybe it’s in this broken slimy place that I feel God’s radiant love shining into my life. He doesn’t expect me to be perfect, knows I can never be even when I strive for perfection. I really believe when I stop pretending I feel Him the most. I take off all the masks and allow His light to fill me. The slime seems less slimy, the edges less rough and the crookedness a uniqueness given only by Him.

What about you? Are you hiding? Can you feel the freedom of letting “perfection” go?

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Rest……..

When do we, as moms, rest?

What does it look like?

This morning I dropped one off at school and am sitting on the back porch with two of my other kids. It’s 76 in Florida. The wind is blowing. I hear the neighbor’s wind chimes. It’s peaceful. But I have a million things running through my heart, soul and brain that I “have to do”. Why can’t I stop and soak in the morning? When did I forget to rest in the moment…the one where Jesus lives….the now, the I AM??

My third-born lost two teeth last night. So we’re sitting here looking up what teeth are made of. We’re talking about enamel and dentine. We’re homeschooling the way I want to homeschool……checking out the things we are interested in. Today it is teeth. Tomorrow it may be poop, who knows!!!!

After talking with my good friend “The Scooper” I chose to rest in the day. Math can wait. Language can wait. Teeth are the topic of the moment.

Now we talked about “belonging to” instead of just “believing in” God.

And now we’re off to brush teeth, eat breakfast and begin our day.

But this morning’s breeze is balm to my soul. The Holy Spirit’s breath on my exhausted soul and body. Love from the Father. Birds chirping remind me that He is the Creator of all things, the author and perfecter, the finisher. My striving means nothing……. for it is in repentance and rest my salvation is found and it is in quietness and trust I find my strength. (Isaiah 30:15)

Rest today sisters. Rest today dear husband. Rest today dear Scooper. REST.

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Posted: March 7, 2012 by Julie |Category: God Breathed | Homeschooling | Our Family, Our Lives | Tags: exhaustion, God, rest

Visits from friends and other ramblings….

We have always enjoyed company. We view our house as God’s house so people flow in and out of our doors on a regular basis. Since moving we’ve not had quite the flow we had before. I often find when I’m down company helps me take my mind off myself and remember to focus on others, on God. Our former pastor and his wife visited yesterday and today. It was wonderful to see someone from “back home”. We have a deep connection with them because we’ve gone through the tough places in life together. We sat around the kitchen table last night and ate spaghetti, then Key Lime pie and just talked and talked.

It reminded me of home……..of our 10 years in SC, of sitting around the kitchen table with friends, talking, crying, sharing.

I wish I could take all my friends with me when we move. They would just travel around with us….our own comfort net. Yet, I know God calls us out us int0 the wilderness at times to draw us closer to him and to one another as a family. Then slowly the friendships come again. And once in a while we get the privilege of communion with long time friends.

It’s been a hard week for me. There have been feelings which have come as a surprise…..a change of heart about something that’s been very dear to me. I feel as if God has cut the umbilical cord in an area of my life and it’s been hard to swallow, hard to understand. I know when God changes my heart about something it’s sometimes a drastic 180. Other times it happens slowly.

So in this 180 I wait. I wait to follow God’s next move. The waiting place is difficult. I haven’t necessarily wrestled with Him, just the unbelievable change of heart that has happened in a snap. It’s a wait and see place for me now.

I know He has my best interests at heart so I know whatever is there is for my good. Trust in my Jesus….someone bigger than me, is a wonderful thing. He leads my life way better than I do.

So I sit, a little confused, but trying to rest in the Waiting Place.

I’m Published! Happy Dance…..

After working with the corporate marketing team at LearningRx we’ve finally gotten their cover for the next issue of Life Changing. I’m excited on so many levels. It’s the first time my photography has been published in a magazine, our family’s story is exciting and I believe in my heart of hearts LearningRx can help strengthen anyone’s cognitive thinking skills. I am passionate about them, passionate about what God is doing in my life as it relates to LearningRx and passionate about the difference it is making in the lives of my children. #3 Son just finished his first 12 weeks and will take a break while #1 Son finishes his 24 weeks and Baby Girl begins another 12 weeks concentrating on reading. Did I tell you she has decided to skip her reading books and now concentrate on reading “My First Encyclopedia”? She’s pronouncing words like “cold-blooded” all by herself. I am super-thrilled for her. She also gets to train with her favorite trainer, Renee, again! And I am learning how to train her at home as well.

The last few weeks has held much sorrow for our family as dear friends have lost loved ones. The presence of death around our family has had both my husband and I in constant prayer. This ray of light (LearningRx) among the sadness we are sharing with these families is truly a gift. I look forward to what God has planned for our family and LearningRx. Jumping for joy!!

To read more LearningRx reviews and stories from other parents visit: http://www.learningrx-reviews.com/

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Posted: February 10, 2012 by Julie |Category: God Breathed | LearningRx | Our Family, Our Lives | Tags: Learning Rx reviews, LearningRX, LearningRx Jacksonville Florida, LearningRx review

Know thyself…

Scooper has been blogging about knowing thyself.

I believe knowing oneself is where we find wisdom and knowledge through God. And I believe God is all about the business of helping us know ourselves, for He made us and He truly knows us. He sees the parts of us we hide and he wants to bring those into the light so we know them too. Sometimes it is to rid us of something that is hindering our “abundant life” here on this strange planet. Other times it’s just so we know our limitations, grieve over them and delve deeper into His abundance and love, growing evermore dependent upon HIM.

This weekend we experienced the horrible tragedy of someone we love losing their 7 year old daughter in a car accident.

My heart breaks for this family as I know this is a valley that will take a long time to get through. I desperately pray attempting to touch the Throne of Grace with my prayers for them. I pray and I pray and I pray for them to feel God’s love and to know that Thursday was sweet Emma’s time to be with the Lord. It doesn’t make being here without her any easier though and I know just existing from one moment to the next seems impossible.

I can’t imagine anything worse than losing a child. No parent should outlive their child……ever. Yet, I do not write the playbook. Only the Father does that. And I know He sits with them as they experience the same loss He did when Jesus laid his life down for each one of us.

In these situations it is so hard to believe that God never gives us more than we can handle.

This seems impossible.

In knowing thyself……I wish I could take their pain away. I wish I could hold them and comfort them. I wish I could bring Emma back.

Yet, I am limited. So I pray. I pray unceasingly. And I love them from afar.

If you or a loved one has experienced such loss my dear blog-o-sphere friend Marsha speaks so wonderfully to all they have gone through after losing their son on her blog . When My Heart is Breaking is one of my favorite posts. Because I know sometimes the death of my mom can hit me slap upside the face, unexpectedly, and all I can do is cry.

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Posted: February 5, 2012 by Julie |Category: God Breathed | Tags:

Who wouldn’t believe?

Today I was taking my second born to school and I watched the sun rising over our section of Jacksonville, Florida.

The Christian radio was playing some song I can’t even remember now and tears filled my eyes. I thought to myself….”Why is it so hard to believe that He is real, alive and wants to love us?”

All the other philosophies just don’t make any sense when compared to an awesome creator, a loving Father, and someone who wants nothing more than to have a relationship with you. It’s not a religion. It’s a relationship….no special Sunday clothes, no “I have to be good enough”. Why can’t we let go and let Him have the chance to change us?? What is it about the human nature that wants to be in control of everything in life instead of trusting in a higher, loving Father?

I guess because I have let go and given my life to Him I know how sweet surrender can be. I know that today is all I have. Tomorrow has it’s own worries. Most of all I know that I know that I know He has my very best interests at heart. I don’t have to figure things out or worry about tomorrow. I can trust Him in the good and in the bad. I can cry out to him when I’m lonely and in pain. I can praise Him that my lot in life is just that….it’s mine. He never gives me more than I can bear even though there are days I feel that way. I can tell myself, “Remember Julie, He loves you.”

Who wouldn’t believe? Why wouldn’t someone choose that relationship above all others?

Adoption Story – Part 9

After my first week at home since my birth mother died I have felt the prayers of the saints around me.

I’ve had a few good weeks of functioning as a somewhat normal mom, wife and human being.

The last couple of days have found me really missing my mom again. Maybe it was having my family here for Thanksgiving that has brought her to the forefront of my mind again or maybe it’s just another season of grief.

In my post (Part Eight) I think I told you about me asking her to send me a telegram from heaven. But I think I’ve forgotten to tell you about the beautiful Magnolia tree that arrived the same day the flower arrangement arrived from my husband’s business associates in Utah.

My mom’s favorite flower was a magnolia blossom. People up north often referred to her as Ms. Magnolia because she was from the south…born and raised in Lexington, NC.

I was stunned when the plant arrived. It was what it took that Saturday to cause me to totally break down. Since the breakdown I’ve smiled when I think about the plant now.

Please believe me when I say this because it is with nothing but love that I do….my mom was a whipper-snapper. She was a pain in the butt. She was stubborn. She was frustrating. She was sarcastic. But she loved with the love of Jesus. I am so much like her in personality. I am all of those things plus a “know it all”. She was too. It was nothing for us to be together and her tell me to shut up or ask, “Who birthed you?”. It was all said in humor and laced with love but she could really be a pain. She was stubborn that way. And I think now of how that relates to that Magnolia tree. They are beautiful, hardy plants that are also messy and a pain in the butt. They drop their leaves and their dead blooms which sit around like large annoying seeds just waiting for you to step on one and break your ankle. The leaves pop when you throw them into a fire. It’s like a mini fireworks sound display. And there I find my mom. Sweet, beautiful, nasty, a pain, full of fireworks and laughing as she looks down at me knowing God will show me and remind me of her over and over again when I plant that annoying but lovely tree.

So as for that telegram. I got it. And I’m still reading it.

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Posted: December 2, 2011 by Julie |Category: God Breathed | My Adoption Story | Tags:

Life through a different set of glasses – Adoption Part 8

When I think of life since last Tuesday when my birth mother died I am faced with my own mortality.

What do I want to do before I leave earth? What does God want me to do before I leave earth?

What will my own death be like?

Will I fight as courageously as my birth mom did? Will I stare death in the face and say, “Not now.”

She fought brilliantly for as long as I had her in my life. As I have gone through the last week I’ve been amazed at the people who actually read my blog and whose lives I have touched even though they never leave a trace that they’ve been here. Hello all you ghost readers!

The last few days have been good days. At first I thought I’d never survive the sadness I felt. But I feel the prayers of the saints around me….. lifting me up, allowing me to function, to serve my family.

This beautiful arrangement from my husband’s work associates in Utah arrived on Saturday. It reminds me so much of the seasons of life. Although generally a fall arrangement reminding me that all things end it also reminds me of the blessing of being raised my adopted parents. The cattails remind me of carefree days spent in my childhood by the lake with my aunts and uncles. The details are sketchy of the house or the exact lake but oh how I remember the cattails. The greenery reminds me that I still have work left here today. This is the season of my life. The yellow daisies remind me of the sunshine brought into my life by the Father, my parents (all four of them) and the orange and yellow flowers remind me of the brilliance of heaven.

Can you imagine what awaits us? I asked my birth mom that if God allowed her to break the rules and send me a telegram I wanted to know what heaven was like. And then I thought to myself, “Why would HE ruin the surprise and the splendor for any of his children?” And does He greet us all the same? I’m kinda thinking he doesn’t. Since he knows each one of us and he made each one of us I’m thinking he’s got something spectacular planned for each one of us. Can you fathom that?

For any of you reading who do not know Jesus, may I introduce you to the most wonderful person in the universe?

He really is here. And all it takes is you turning to see Him.

He’ll be the gentleman waiting at the front door of your heart.

Adoption Story – Part 7

I wrote this to a friend today:

Just yesterday someone from my husband’s work sent a Magnolia tree in memory of my mom. It was her favorite flower and tree. Who sends a Magnolia tree but God? I was floored. I miss her terribly, even tho I know where she is and that she is without pain and with Jesus.

It is the thought of never being able to talk to her again or email with her that hits me in the gut.

God is already sending me reminders…..

It’s just that those reminders are so hard right now.

The connection feels gone. Now it’s through the Lord.

I have two voice mails from her on my phone. I wish I had saved more.

I have her socks, a few things from her house and photos of us over the 8 years we were together.

I loved taking care of her when she was sick. That was a blessing. I slept at her feet for three nights before I had to leave Green Bay.

She died the next day.

The memorial service was last night.

My sister and brother were there.

And I have my uncle and his family left too.

So I’m blessed in the sadness, the ache, the pain.