I’d like to add more…

I’d like to add more to this but I just can’t…..

From a friend tonight via text message:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

—-from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.

 

 



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Posted: September 12, 2013 by |Category: God Breathed | Tags: , , ,

Full Circle…

If you read my blog you know about my super lovely day a few weeks ago.  This is an exert from that day’s events:

Driving along in this broken-hearted state this morning I ran smack into downtown, stand-still, Jacksonville traffic.  There was a policeman amidst all the traffic.  I rolled down my window.  My own simple, small world persecution now began as this officer spoke to me as if I was 2 years old.  After repeatedly answering the same question he asked over and over I finally told him he was being awfully rude.  I didn’t know I was supposed to detour.  I didn’t know there was a wreck.  I didn’t believe he had the right to talk to me the way he was talking to me, however, he still chose to belittle me.

And in that moment my world collided with that pastors world.  My heart turned towards his pain and persecution.

I was stunned and shocked that this police officer was berating me in front of my children as I attempted to travel our normal route downtown to school.  Over and over again he “slapped me in the face” with his tongue.  My fresh tender heart began to harden.  Had I not been blinded with indignation I would have looked at his name tag.  I would have called to report him.

My indignation slowly twisted inward.  I was reminded of my fellow brother-in-Christ who lies in solitary confinement, beaten, dying.  Am I above persecution?  Is my life anything like his?  Absolutely not.  But, did today sting?  Yes.  Badly.

After sharing the pastor’s story I’d heard on the radio and my day with my best friend she called later for the pastor’s name and location.  I had no idea, after hearing the story, where he was imprisoned until one night this week. I mentioned looking up the radio station and finding his name later that day……but life took over, until….

I had the most incredible phone call with a fellow LearningRx parent in Boise, Idaho.  We were sharing stories about homeschooling and our faith, as well as our journey with LearningRx when she mentioned my recent blog post.  “Oh, did you know Pastor Saeed is from Boise, Idaho?” she asked.

“Who?”

“The pastor you spoke about in your blog. He is from Boise.”

Shocked that the pieces of my horrible day were coming full circle right before my eyes I intelligently commented, “No way!”

Only God!

How life went from driving my kids to school on a foggy Monday morning to my heart breaking over Pastor Saeed in part because of my local Christian radio station, to sharing the story with my best friend, to speaking with Lareina in Boise, Idaho about a fellow brother imprisoned for cause of Christ, to knowing his name!  There isn’t a word to describe how incredibly shocked and blessed I felt!

After finishing my phone call with Lareina I immediately called my BFF (teenager language – my son would be proud!) at 10:30pm hoping I wasn’t waking her to tell her the story…….

Saeed has been imprisoned while in Iran and accused of spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  He was working in an orphanage when arrested.

He is in a prison FOX NEWS calls Hell on Earth.  Fox News also reports:  It has been almost a month since Iranian authorities promised Pastor Saeed Abedini, a U.S. citizen imprisoned in Iran for his Christian faith,  that he would receive medical treatment.  He has undergone months of beatings and abuse at the hands of his brutal Iranian captors, which has led to dangerous internal bleeding.

For the cause of Christ, for not denying his faith, for staying true to the One he calls Lord!

When I heard his story on the radio he was just placed in solitary confinement again with internal bleeding and failing kidneys.  My heart ached to think he may die in that tiny dark place I can only see in my imagination.  And now, each time I think of him, I pray that God would be tangible to him in that horrible place.  I pray as he reaches out his hand or curls into a pain-filled ball that he feels Jesus holding him, for HE walked the same path all for us.  For me.  Just so that I might have the chance to know Him.  Just as I believe in a God who knows all I also believe He gives us all a choice.  I didn’t know I would call him Lord.  I didn’t know I would desire His will for my life over my own.

Knowing I have an all-knowing, all-powerful God directing my steps gives me comfort to face another day on this earth that has prisons like Evin in Iran.  When my heart feels heavy with the weight of this world I can turn my face upwards towards a Father who smiles at my neediness, my “lack of”.  Knowing He loves the part of me that is like Him and the part that wants to run away.  Knowing He knows I can’t walk a single step without Him brings me peace.

And for His all-knowing, all-encompassing love, I am eternally and tearfully grateful!

**If you’d like to know more about Saeed’s imprisonment CLICK HERE and HERE

**If you would like to read Lareina’s blog post about LearningRx it can be found here.  Read about her here and to click on her website you can do so here.

 

To read more LearningRx reviews and stories from other parents visit: http://www.learningrx-reviews.com/



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Posted: May 13, 2013 by |Category: God Breathed | Homeschooling | LearningRx | Tags: , , , , , , ,

Smacked in the face…

Today smacked me in the face.

Figuratively speaking, of course, but the mark is there.  Four red finger marks.

It was a rainy, foggy morning, not the best of Florida mornings.  I arose early to help at the kid’s school .  Nasty weather often makes for a cranky mommy.  Today was no different.

God quickly reminded me of my selfishness listening to the radio.  The heartbreaking story of a pastor who is being persecuated for his faith, beaten and left half dead is in solitary confinement.  My heart tore.  His family has been turned away when they tried to visit him.  His health is poor.  His kidneys are failing.  He may very well die in that prison.  No medical care is being offered.  UNLESS he denies CHRIST.

My heart breaks for the “alone” place he is in.  As tears spilled over onto my cheeks I prayed that God would be with him as he was with Daniel in the lion’s den.  I prayed he could actually reach out and touch the hand of God – physically touch HIM-the one he serves.

Driving along in this broken-hearted state this morning I ran smack into downtown, stand-still, Jacksonville traffic.  There was a policeman amidst all the traffic.  I rolled down my window.  My own simple, small world persecution now began as this officer spoke to me as if I was 2 years old.  After repeatedly answering the same question he asked over and over I finally told him he was being awfully rude.  I didn’t know I was supposed to detour.  I didn’t know there was a wreck.  I didn’t believe he had the right to talk to me the way he was talking to me, however, he still chose to belittle me.

And in that moment my world collided with that pastors world.  My heart turned towards his pain and persecution.

I was stunned and shocked that this police officer was berating me in front of my children as I attempted to travel our normal route downtown to school.  Over and over again he “slapped me in the face” with his tongue.  My fresh tender heart began to harden.  Had I not been blinded with indignation I would have looked at his name tag.  I would have called to report him.

My indignation slowly twisted inward.  I was reminded of my fellow brother-in-Christ who lies in solitary confinement, beaten, dying.  Am I above persecution?  Is my life anything like his?  Absolutely not.  But, did today sting?  Yes.  Badly.

Another very real thought slipped into my heart.  “How many times have I spoken to others in the same manner?”  Especially my own children.  When have I blown off steam by stomping on someone else’s heart?

I choked back my tears as I continued to drive.  We arrived at school and I expected everyone to see my broken heart, my wounded spirit.  It was well hidden.

Again the whispering…..’How often do I ignore another’s broken heart.”  I can’t count the times I halfway listen or don’t listen at all.

And why are people mean to one another?  Mr. Policeman could have as easily said, “There is an accident up ahead.  We are diverting traffic .  Would you please use that lane.”  Instead, he verbally abused me with his attitude, tongue and heart.  It stung.

I admit I rarely feel the ugliness of the world we live in.  My circle is pretty small.  I homeschooled my children until this school year.  I’m not in corporate America.  The people in my life become my friends.  I feel blessed by the people God has tucked into the crevices of my life.

I penned this post first by hand.  Four pages of cursive writing…something I rarely do these days.  I’m still tender…stinging.  But I think of my brother in prison……

Imprisoned because of his faith.  Beaten for Christ.  Likely to die all alone.  Wounded.  Broken.  Just like Christ.

Oh, but that all of our lives are lived for HIM.

In the words of Ken Gire who wrote Intense Moments with the Savior: Learning to Feel:

“Lord, come.  And for the sake of the children, come quickly.”



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Posted: May 1, 2013 by |Category: God Breathed | Our Family, Our Lives | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

What would you do?

What would you do if you knew you would not fail?

That question changed my life this week.



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Posted: January 22, 2013 by |Category: God Breathed | Tags: , ,

I Thought This Was Supposed to Be Easier!

This is exactly what came out of my husband’s mouth the other night as I ran around in a frazzled state getting lunches ready for the next day.

And it’s exactly what I’m thinking after three and a half weeks of four children in school after homeschooling for 7-8 years.

Honestly, I hate it.

Not because it is bad or wrong.  It is just HARD.  VERY HARD.

One week is successfully navigated just to have another dumped in my lap.  The homework never ends.  The projects never stop.  I feel like we are never “ahead of the game”, this steep learning curve certainly over-rated.

My babies are growing up.  My life and my role are changing.  I’m learning “how to do school” at a break neck speed.  I think I need to help my children navigate though their own change yet I honestly think they are doing better than I.  The hours I have at home alone seem like seconds as life suddenly is passing at a speed I would have never fathomed.

As a homeschooling mom one walks a tough line between teaching our children they do not have to run at the speed life dictates (or conform to this world) and equipping them for exactly that (being in this world but not of this world).  And maybe it’s that way with all moms, but I’ve never felt a part of that group like I feel now.

I was and still am not a follower.  I role upstream.  I like different, but I don’t like change.

What if God wasn’t carrying me?  The thought strikes fear in my heart because if I’d been plucked from my home and set in the middle of the Iraqi desert I wouldn’t be any more uncomfortable.

I can not do this.  “Not on your own,” He whispers.

So, I cry behind sunglasses on the way to school.  I cry at home.  I cry at night.  I cry at my computer.  I cry at Target.

“Did I do a good enough job?  Will they succeed?  Will they fail?  Can I help them when they do both?  Am I supposed to?”

As I fall apart at the seams the Holy Spirit comes alongside and gives me the biggest hug.  It’s a mind blowing hug.  It sucks the very life out of me and puts it right back.  It knocks me over cold!  And it picks me up.  It steals all that I am and gives me all that He is!  It’s life-altering, heart-breaking and God-sent.  It’s horrible and wonderful all at the same time.

I really am a wreck.  But I’m so thankful I’m His wreck.  How could anyone survive without knowing that as screwed up as we are, we are His.  I’m a mess.  I’m frustrated.  I’m sad.  But I’m His.

And one day I’ll rise again, just as He did, and I’ll be able to look the world in the face and say, “Bring it on!”  but right now all I can do is cry and hope that people don’t think I’ve absolutely lost my mind.

Maybe one day soon I’ll feel stronger……like I’ve got it all together.  But I almost hope not.  Because when I do I’ll get knocked down again and reminded of how desperate I am (we all are) for a Savior.



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Posted: September 8, 2012 by |Category: God Breathed | Parenting | Tags:

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

In Christian circles this book has been all the buzz for a couple years now.  I believe we have 5 copies in our house.  It’s an anointed little book.  We have several of the one subtitled Devotions for Kids.

My friend, Scooper, who’s heart is near mine in this year of kids going to school…..something we never thought we’d do…..texted me saying, “Have you read Jesus Calling today?”  This morning I finally remembered to do so.  Although her experience was dropped in her lap like a bomb (Your kids need to be in school), mine came gradually over this past year (I’m sending them to school next year).  Both are hard.  Both are different.

On August 23rd Sarah Young writies:

GIVE YOUR LOVED ONES TO ME

Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son. – Genesis 22:12

It is important to love those around you.  In fact, My second greatest command is to love your neighbors as you love yourself.  But you must never forget My greatest command – to love Me with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.  Only I am God.  And only I am worthy of worship.

Love your family, love your friends – but don’t worship them.  Don’t let your love for them crowd out your love for Me.  And don’t let a person become the center of your life.

Abraham had waited so long for a son.  When Isaac finally came, Abraham was in danger of worshiping his son.  I tested Abraham, and – as hard as it was – Abraham trusted Me to take care of Isaac.  And I did.

Trust me to take care of your loved ones.  They are safe with me.  Me Presence never leaves them — just as I never leave you.

So for all you moms out there who leave your hearts on a school curb each morning know that not only does your heart get out of the car with your children but Jesus does too.  Close your eyes and imagine Him walking with each one, holding their hands and surrounding them with legions of angels.  It’s all Grace!!  And as I’ve begun to tell myself daily, “Fly to Jesus and Live!” (lyrics by Chris Rice)



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Posted: August 25, 2012 by |Category: God Breathed | Parenting | Tags:

When we are tired…

…..life feels harder.

…..decisions feel overwhelming.

…..my temper is short.

…..I don’t like to be argued with.

…..I wish I had a cook.

…..I prefer peace over commotion.

…..I press into The Father more than ever.

…..I want to cry more often.

…..I have to make me take care of me.

…..I wish both me and my husband weren’t tired at the same time.

I recall a very wise person teaching me the acronym HALT.  If I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired do not make decisions; big decisions anyway.

So today I will rest.  In Him.  Physically and Emotionally.  Be Blessed today.



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Posted: July 27, 2012 by |Category: God Breathed | Our Family, Our Lives | Tags:

Glory and Grace

“Lord, there are times when our eyes turn towards you in a way they haven’t before. In light of the shooting in Colorado I pray that the things of this earth will grow strangely dim in the light of your glory and grace. Surround these people with your love, your light, and your grace, Lord. May you be glorified through the churches and the Believers in that state as they love on the families who are grieving. Let us all know what we can do for the families in that state. May we pray for them, grieve with them, and lift their lives up to you to find peace and glory and grace!!”



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Posted: July 22, 2012 by |Category: God Breathed | Tags: , , ,

Summer

I remember as a child that summers lasted forever.  As an adult it’s quite a different story.  This summer has whizzed by like a rocket ship bound for other planets!!

Sometimes I’d love to grab hold of time and make it stand still for just a day, like those stop motion camera shots you see on TV.

I’d like to sit and exam my life.  Step outside of it and stand there with God and say, “What do I need to change?”  “Where am I wasting time?”  “What needs my attention?”

Are you happy with your life?  Do the days whiz by in a blur?  Some days I feel like the day controls me instead of me controlling my day.

I say to my soul, “Peace.  Be still.”

And I wish my brain and body would follow.  To bask in the stillness of who God is…..to soak up His love and mercies, to KNOW that He alone is God, to cast all my cares upon Him who loves me so, to leave all that I am in His hands to shape and to mold.”

Share with me.  What do you do to stop the pace of life.  Where is your peaceful place?  How do you find rest in the midst of life.

I’m looking for some answers here!



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Posted: July 12, 2012 by |Category: God Breathed | Our Family, Our Lives | Tags: , , ,

My Main Squeeze

It’s been a long time since I’ve sat and talked about my walk with the Lord over the past two years.

Since moving to Florida we’ve been on an amazing journey.  My darkest times were during our first year here.  We were renting a house, homeschooling in a far smaller space than we had done before and living in a gated community for the first time.  Yikes.  We’d moved from rural SC where peeing in the back yard was a sport in and of itself.  Now, we received nasty grams about the very way I’d potty trained three boys.  I cried.  I longed for our former home.  The kids missed their friends.  I missed my friends.  I wanted our yard, our woods, our life for the last 10 years.

I longed for the lifechanging Bible Study I attended.  I think I took one year off in my 6 years of having 4 children.  Those women there were my lifeline.  I grew, I cried, I loved and I was loved. Some of my best friends are still in my life because of our vulnerability shared during Bible Study.

There were nights of sitting on the porch crying with a friend from home because I’d had a child diagnosed with ADHD but had no answers, one wasn’t reading and I didn’t know how to help and one was dying to get out of the house and go to school.  My life was falling apart.  I felt like a failure as a mom.

The first year was dark, yet I knew Florida was where God wanted us.  Why?  He was certainly the only one who knew!!

As the first year morphed into the second light began to shine.  We discovered LearningRx through a friend in our homeschool group.  It was there I began to find answers to help my kids.  The folks there were kind and seemed truly interested in my children.  They offered hope.

Fast forward to today as I sit reading The Purpose Directed Business by Ken Gibson.

For those of you who’ve read The Purpose Driven Life you know what an impact that book can have on your life.

“It’s now about you.”

And it isn’t.  Those words offer so much freedom.  Freedom to be messed up, sad, happy, uncontrolled, hopeless, hopeful and most of all totally dependent.

Today, I sit and read feeling excited.  I’m excited that the man who founded the company God has used in my life is a Christian.  I’m excited to be a partnering parent with LearningRx.  I’m excited that none of this is really about me or about cognitive thinking skills (although high on my list), it’s about God.  It’s about what He wants to do through me, in me and for me.

He’s my Main Squeeze.  And I say that with the upmost respect.

To the one who knows me like no other…..“Thank you dad!  Thank you for stirring in me a desire that comes through you to reach other moms and children for your glory!  Open the eyes of my heart to see and love those you put in my path.  Expand my territory.  Be huge.  Be God!!”




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Posted: May 1, 2012 by |Category: God Breathed | Our Family, Our Lives | Parenting | Tags: , , , , ,
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