Archives for September 2012

Much to do about nothing…

This is one of my favorite pictures. It was taken four years ago at the beach in NC.

There isn’t anything about the composition that makes it perfect. It’s just the afternoon sunlight, the shadows, my child and the fact that this photo says so much about who he is.

He’s a loner at times but can hang with the best of them. He’s content digging in the sand all by himself while life goes on around him. He’s smart. He’s creative. He’s easy, for the most part. He’s our second-born.

I could stare at the photo for hours remembering, like yesterday, our sweet time that year at the beach.

We go every year but as I look back I love the times when the kids were younger, content to play in the sand and look for pirate ships out at sea. It goes by in the blink of an eye, it really does.

Yes, diapers and drool were difficult, but also sweet in it’s innocence and simplicity. We had three in diapers when our third was born. Life seemed difficult and hard but also simple as I think back. Now, at age 12 there are more complications in life as he becomes a teenagers and faces more of our world, out from underneath the protective skirts of mama.

I long to go back to those diaper days with the knowledge I have now and soak up just one day of babydom.

I love you sweet boy! You will forever be little in my heart!

Friends and Warm Cozzy Socks!

They grew up together. She was pregnant with her when we moved to SC. He was one.

She’s been like a second child to us. We are blessed to count her parents as some of our very best friends.

We homeschooled together. We took field trips. We played in the cul-de-sac. She can hang with the boys better than some boys! She is friend to all three of mine!

Now, she and my second born are both so grown up. On our last trip to SC we again played but this time they are bigger….growing up….no longer little guys!

Now he carries her into the pool. ON HIS SHOULDER!

There is something so comforting to know we have these friends, although far away, that know us. They know the good, the bad and the ugly. And they love us. We love them. They pray for us and us for them.

Their friendship feels like warm fuzzy socks on a cold winter day.

And what could be better than that?

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Posted: September 10, 2012 by Julie |Category: Our Family, Our Lives | Tags:

I Thought This Was Supposed to Be Easier!

This is exactly what came out of my husband’s mouth the other night as I ran around in a frazzled state getting lunches ready for the next day.

And it’s exactly what I’m thinking after three and a half weeks of four children in school after homeschooling for 7-8 years.

Honestly, I hate it.

Not because it is bad or wrong. It is just HARD. VERY HARD.

One week is successfully navigated just to have another dumped in my lap. The homework never ends. The projects never stop. I feel like we are never “ahead of the game”, this steep learning curve certainly over-rated.

My babies are growing up. My life and my role are changing. I’m learning “how to do school” at a break neck speed. I think I need to help my children navigate though their own change yet I honestly think they are doing better than I. The hours I have at home alone seem like seconds as life suddenly is passing at a speed I would have never fathomed.

As a homeschooling mom one walks a tough line between teaching our children they do not have to run at the speed life dictates (or conform to this world) and equipping them for exactly that (being in this world but not of this world). And maybe it’s that way with all moms, but I’ve never felt a part of that group like I feel now.

I was and still am not a follower. I role upstream. I like different, but I don’t like change.

What if God wasn’t carrying me? The thought strikes fear in my heart because if I’d been plucked from my home and set in the middle of the Iraqi desert I wouldn’t be any more uncomfortable.

I can not do this. “Not on your own,” He whispers.

So, I cry behind sunglasses on the way to school. I cry at home. I cry at night. I cry at my computer. I cry at Target.

“Did I do a good enough job? Will they succeed? Will they fail? Can I help them when they do both? Am I supposed to?”

As I fall apart at the seams the Holy Spirit comes alongside and gives me the biggest hug. It’s a mind blowing hug. It sucks the very life out of me and puts it right back. It knocks me over cold! And it picks me up. It steals all that I am and gives me all that He is! It’s life-altering, heart-breaking and God-sent. It’s horrible and wonderful all at the same time.

I really am a wreck. But I’m so thankful I’m His wreck. How could anyone survive without knowing that as screwed up as we are, we are His. I’m a mess. I’m frustrated. I’m sad. But I’m His.

And one day I’ll rise again, just as He did, and I’ll be able to look the world in the face and say, “Bring it on!” but right now all I can do is cry and hope that people don’t think I’ve absolutely lost my mind.

Maybe one day soon I’ll feel stronger……like I’ve got it all together. But I almost hope not. Because when I do I’ll get knocked down again and reminded of how desperate I am (we all are) for a Savior.

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Posted: September 8, 2012 by Julie |Category: God Breathed | Parenting | Tags: