Hmm….where to start? I don't want to scare anyone off. Let's begin with one of the hardest things to do as a mom. Manage our time effectively for our families. Sounds like a good place doesn't it?
Do you feel the world pulling at us to say “yes” to a thousand different things. We can serve at church until burnout. We can volunteer for project after project. Our husbands can work 80 hour/week jobs.
I feel my job is to be quiet enough to find out what God wants me to do. Everything else gets a resounding but polite “no”. As a homeschool mom I know that raising my children and schooling them is what I'm called to do right now. Being a wife and a mother, being Jesus' bride, being a keeper of the home…that's what I'm called to do.
My husband works a fulltime job which allows me the blessing of staying at home. He is an elder in our church, a very newly planted church. With our children's activities we both know that this is just about full capacity for our family. Our policy is “If I say yes to something than I have to say no to something I'm already doing.” This keeps our family balanced.
I like to operate at what feels like 80% capacity. Then, when life cranks up for a week or two (hubbie's travel schedule picks up or the boys have football playoffs) there is some wiggle room that allows for the “extra”. But only for a small amount of time. Then we need to settle back into our 80%. This helps to keep our framily from getting so stressed out that our family unit begins to crumble.
So I ask the question, “At what capacity is your family running? Is it 120%? Is it 105%? ” Is there something that is time to cut out of the family? How can we hear the small voice of God when we are constantly busy? How do we know what He wants us to say yes (or no) to if we are saying yes to everything else…even the stuff that sounds good?
Part of what I've learned about boundaries helps me to keep my family functioning in a healthy manner. When God tells us to guard our hearts I believe this is one of the ways he wants me to guard my heart and ensure there is some wiggle room.
You know, If I am completely honest with you there is something He's taken my joy away from and is calling me to say “no” to right now. I haven't yet because I fear disappointing others. (Okay, not too much self exposure here….let's continue.)
When I see others in overload I always wonder in my mind, “What percent of capacity is that family functioning.” Now I know there are just days where we are overloaded but often it begins with me looking at my calender for the day. Is there too much on it? What can go? What can be done later? Is there something I can get some help with?
I don't delegate that well. My husband does a much better job than me. So one area I work on is remembering that my kids can help ME. Oh, what a novel idea! I think it's time to make us a list for them for the day. Taa Taa!
IN HIM,
julie
Hi Julie, I really liked what you shared when you said “I feel my job is to be quiet enough to find out what God wants me to do. Everything else gets a resounding but polite “no”.” How much we need to learn to simplify so that we can hear God speak and direct our lives. In Him, Colleen
Julie, very thought provoking post tonight. A few years ago I would have had to answer that we were functioning at well over 120%. But, a couple of years ago my fibromyalgia kicked into overdrive. Physically, I was no longer able to function like that. I/we purged so many extras from our lives. I would say we are at about 70% right now, but with the holidays coming on, it will be more like 85% or so.
It was really hard for me to learn to say no. I no longer volunteer at church. I just don’t know when I’ll feel good and when I won’t. Doug and Jordan volunteer enough for all of us lol. I no longer watch all my family and friends’ children. I can barely do what I need to do on a daily basis.
I joined a ladies’ Bible study and a small group at my church. Both meet on Tuesday, one in the morning and one in the evening. The past two weeks have been hard with very few good days, and I just am not making it to the morning study. In the past, I would have pushed myself or felt guilty for not going. I’ve finally come to the place where I have to do what is good/best for me/my family and not worry how others feel about me. It was HARD to do that.
I also look at other families and wonder how they are functioning the way they are. My sister and her family are so very, very busy. I can’t imagine how they have time for each other or their kids or to even sleep or breath. But I am not them and I will not have to answer for them PTL lol.
Now I’m rambling………..Have a great night!
~Kelly
Ooh, a tough question… and one I’m struggling with. I have let go of a few activities lately, but I picked one up that seems to be devouring everything in sight. I haven’t yet felt God saying NO to that one; maybe I’m supposed to be saying no somewhere else.
Anyway, right now, I guess we’re at about 90-95%. Trimming 5% would be… helpful, but this works (except when we have THOSE weeks).
Now I have to go think about all this. Thanks for the thought provoking! 🙂
Chelo
Very nice post. It really makes you think. Infact, at this point in my life for the past two weeks I have been running on 150% capacity. A tragic death occurred…. my best friends father died tradgically. However, I used to be a people pleaser all the way. It was very exhausting!! Now I have learned to say “no” politely :o). Not only that, but I have also given my children chores and asked my friends for help…. car pooling, etc.. We have since found a new church in the last year and I don’t serve everywhere. I serve where the Lord has called me, not the people…. we serve the youth (6th -9th).
We did a Bible study on this about 2 years ago. things of urgency and things of importance and learning the difference and learning to say no. This was a great post. I hope to get back to being on about 90% capacity within the next week soon, as I will have to help my friend go through her dad’s things. She was the only child and her mom passed a few years back and her stepmother passed last Tuesday. Sad, devastating story. Her name is Joann. Please be in prayer for her. She has a 5 month old.And is not married, but her baby is a miracle as they all are.
I hope you were able to get some sleep last night! I hate it when I can’t sleep at night. I’ve done pretty well since putting us all on a schedule, but I had many sleepless nights over the summer. Hope you aren’t coming down with something! I have some kind of a bug, but I’m feeling a bit better tonight….Have a great week!
Love, Kathy