Boundaries Part Three – Safety

Boundaries Part 3

Okay, what next to write about boundaries….

Hmm, let me see.  Let’s begin with “What is a boundary?”  I believe it is a way of defining who you are; where you end and another person begins.  Think of a playground.  Inside the fence it is safe to play, run around, climb and swing.  Outside the fence, however, it is not safe.  There is busy road, traffic, bad guys and a dog that bites.  The fence around the playground is the boundary.  Inside it’s safe.  Outside it’s not.

That’s what boundaries do for us, keep us safe.  It tells others “This is the line you can not cross”.  The hard part of setting boundaries is being willing to enforce the consequences of crossing the boundary.  If you don’t enforce the consequence the boundary is completely ineffective.

In the example above it’s not easy to let the child who wonders outside the playground feel a natural consequence of getting bit by the dog.  An enforced consequence might be the spanking that the child gets for going outside the fence or perhaps being taken home instead of being allowed to play.

As a family we have developed family boundaries that help define our family.  These came after a really tough conversation between me and my husband one night about three years after we were married.  They seemed to flow naturally out of that conversation and I don’t think we’ve changed them since we first wrote them down.

My husband and I both come from a recovery background (in adulthood).  I believe this has made our marriage stronger and our family different than those without a working knowledge of recovery.  I am so blessed to have a husband who is willing to work through the difficult stuff.  We continue to heal as individuals and as a couple as God leads us into greater and greater freedom.

Our FAMILY Principles and Boundaries

• Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior and we depend upon Him for everything.
• We are committed to working through difficult issues together as a family.
• Our home is a safe haven from world and we will support one another as we try to be true to God, one another and ourselves.
• We will make every effort through prayer and action to positively impact generations to come, breaking generational sin.
• We will do everything possible, with God’s help, to protect our family from those negative influences who choose not to respect our boundaries as a family and as individuals.