Who is it About?

It finally dawned on me. “It's not about you” is about me.

Ever since I first picked up The Purpose Driven Life and read its first sentence, “It's not about you,” I have been impressed with the impact of that simple statement. First, I saw it from a cultural standpoint, equating much of the book's relevance to the way that first sentence skewered what the “me” generation has needed to hear for about 20 years. After a constant mantra in psychology, education, social therapy, advertising, and in church about self-awareness, self-image, and self-esteem, to have someone say it right out loud – “It's not about you” – was a cold splash in the face of a generation lulled into a self-absorbed catatonic state. The truth was so evident – in a subconscious, if not conscious way – no one could disagree.

So after I applied it generally, I applied it to everyone I knew, personally, and found out again how true it is. To my friends and members of my family, I would say, “Remember, it's not about you,” if not out loud, then quietly in my head. (I give people a lot of suggestions like this in my head that they never heed because, for some reason, they never hear me.) I even applied it to Rick Warren, as I watched him rise to prominence in the public eye. “Don't forget, Rick,” I said in my mind, “It's not about you!” I'm sure he benefited greatly from my silent admonishment.

Finally, I realized that maybe that first sentence was designed to be about me. “It's not about you” just might mean it's not about me. It all hinges on which side of “you” you are on. For some time now, I have been on the wrong side of “you.” “You” was always someone else. As a writer, I have a tendency to identify with writers instead of readers. But I didn't write the book. The book was written to me. “It's not about you,” means it's not about me. And you know what? I don't know very much about this, because as far back as I can remember, it's always been about me.

Now I realize it has nothing to do with society. It has nothing to do with Rick Warren. This statement has nothing to do with anyone but me, because from my perspective, I am the only selfish and self-centered person it has any business being applied to. It's shocking when I start to think how much of my life is all about me. What I want to do, what I don't want to do, what you think of me, what someone else thinks of me, what I have to say, what you have to listen to, whose fault it is, what a victim I am … ad nauseam. (You may be familiar with some of this thinking.)

So there you have it. “It's not about you” has only one application. It’s not about anyone but me.